Learning to Love Yourself: My Story

This week I am hosting an online event on learning to love yourself, all about self-love, self-care, the importance of nurturing the relationship with yourself, along with affirmations, tips, and tools for acceptance, appreciation, and LOVE for who you TRULY are in your very SOUL….

It’s so funny to me to think I am now teaching a class on self love because I haven’t always have a healthy relationship with myself, in fact, it was quite the opposite for a LONG time. When I was 7, I injured my front permanent teeth and ended up losing one.. Over the course of the next few years, not only did I suffer tremendous physical pain from the many procedures & surgeries, but also emotional damage because kids were RUTHLESS and made horribly mean comments about my teeth… Puberty wasn’t exactly kind to me either  I had terrible acne, and developed quickly to a size D bra by age 13  It was such an awkward combination of feeling ugly (I got called “pizza face” on the daily), and getting unwanted sexual attention by not only boys my age, but older men too. By high school, I was THAT girl no one liked, not many talked to, and that walked alone most of the time. Except for the horny teen boys that frequently tried to grope me, I was assaulted a couple times, and the sexual innuendo and comments came at me from all directions! (I was filing my first sexual assault case at age 14)… The girls may have been even worse…  Instead of rallying around me, being my friend, and protecting me like a girl gang should, they ignored me except to call me horrible names and make up stories about me just because I had big boobs & butt and got more male attention.. I felt so alone and awful about myself.. What was so wrong with me and why did no one like me? Surely it wasn’t my boobs, butt, or zits that made me so unlikable? What was so different and fucked up about ME that no one even wanted to talk to me? My self esteem was pretty much in the toilet by the time I started dating, so of course any positive attention from males was good attention in my mind. My first couple boyfriends were very narcissistic, toxic individuals, that took total advantage of me, treated me badly and made me feel even worse about myself… One guy was a serial cheater & liar, one was very verbally abusive, and one guy even had the balls to sit there and tell me all of the things I should have fixed with cosmetic surgery on my body from head to toe!!!

After I got married and had my first baby, my self image and self worth continued to spiral downward… I was incredibly depressed, popping anti-depressants and pain pills just to get through the days, while eating junk food and sleeping to comfort myself and escape reality.  My pregnancies brought hormonal imbalances, my weight skyrocketed at almost 200 lbs, back down to the 150s, then back up again, all while suffering from debilitating migraines, anxiety, depression, insomnia, feeling worthless, fat, ugly, and most days just thinking of ways to end my own life. I can’t even count the number of nights I laid on the bathroom floor with either a bottle of pills, booze, a gun, or any combo of the 3 ready to just be done. I couldn’t understand why I felt this way despite having a husband that loved me and beautiful healthy kids.. Most would have seen my life as that “picket fence” type life, yet I could not overcome this cloud of depression and misery. A lot of days I “faked it” — had to feign happiness and love because I was buried underneath so much pain.

In 2011, I hit rock bottom and will spare the horrible details as what I refer to now as “the pit,” but that was the time in my life I felt I could go no lower… Years and years of mental anguish all came crashing down, and while it hurt worse than anything I’ve ever experienced, it was ultimately for my good.  I had a few more rough spots after that, but finally turned a corner in my life and began to “wake up,” and started seeing things a lot more clearly, and learning about myself more.

My path to awakening and healing has been a slow, steady, but amazing journey. A wonderful, supportive counselor, spouse, family, and few very close knit friends I’ve been blessed with surrounded me with love and acceptance, helping this process. It took a while, but I found my wonderland under all the layers of other people’s toxic bullshit mixed in with my own insecurities and past traumas, and have truly come to know and love myself for who I am deep in my core being. Almost 3 years ago, I did a photo shoot project for myself, as a birthday gift of self love and acceptance for what I’d survived through and who I was becoming (ME, I was becoming more ME). It was entitled, “Be Bravely YOU,” and it really broke me out of the molds of what other’s thought I should or should not be, as well as showing me my true beauty, inside and out. I had people say rude things to me regarding the photos from the shoot (it was boudoir style, so many shots were in my undies), and some say “rock it, hot mama!” but for the first time in my life, I didn’t CARE… I was able to block out the negative and rude people, knowing they only viewed me through the lens of whatever issues they had going on. Maybe they were jealous, maybe they were dealing with their own self esteem and body image issues.. But from that point forward, I vowed no matter what I would just be ME in all my muchness, regardless of what people had to say or think and had finally learned to love myself.

I’m still frequently the target of some people’s negativity and rude behavior, but I’ve gotten to the point where now I don’t engage it. Like at all. Someone says something rude to me, makes a nasty remark, scoffs, or anything else giving a negative vibe, I instantly push it away. (In my mind I envision myself physically pushing my arm straight out and pulsing a light from it to get the negative energy away from me. Nerdy, I know lol — like the force hahaha)  … Anyways, the bottom line is this. I have been through hell and back, have had my name dragged through all kinds of dirt, been criticized, judged, hated, mocked, beat, raped and threatened, and yet here I still stand. Why? How? Well first of all, because I’ve already had all this done and said to me, so there ain’t nothing new anyone is going to come up with! AND Because OTHER PEOPLE do not define or dictate my beauty, my life, my worth in ANY way, shape or form!!!! I know who and what I am —> down to earth, kind to most people, dorky & funny as heck, loving, nurturing, hard-working, mind my own damn business, and do my best to educate, inspire, and uplift people around me, and don’t give a flying crap what anyone thinks of my boobs or zits! I know not everyone is going to like me, and I’m not everyone’s cup of tea (but I’m someone’s shot of whiskey) and I am finally okay with that, knowing myself, loving myself, and nurturing that space within my soul…

           Once you love yourself, you are truly INVINCIBLE!!! Be Bravely… YOU!!!!!!!                                                                                           ~Sabrina Kate 

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Be the BOSS of 2017!

Have you made 2017 YOURS yet? It’s NOT too late, TODAY is the day to focus on self-care, mindset, diet & lifestyle improvements for mind, body, and soul and be the BOSS of this year!!

Are you overweight and sick, and depressed from being overweight and sick? So you eat to comfort yourself, gain more weight, and get even more depressed? WE GET IT. WE’VE BEEN THERE.

Have you ever gone on a diet? Did it work? Nope? Didn’t think so!! 😉 WE’VE TRIED ‘EM ALL!

Debbie and Sabrina are a mother-daughter wellness advocate team, clean eating & paleo gurus, and ready to help YOU take the steps to a new lifestyle and straight BOSS 2017! A combined 125 pounds lost, overcoming addictions, depression, and many health problems; a decade of working in health industries, they bring their experience and expertise in diet, fitness, nutrition and more!! They will be sharing their stories & struggles, and motivation & HOPE for changing your life!

Debbie is the director of a pregnancy crisis center and helps young mothers & families in dire circumstances. She offers 6 years of study in all things pregnancy, birth, breastfeeding, babies, and beyond… She teaches parenting classes, speaks at local events, and volunteers as a birth coach. Debbie is a former “serial dieter” and started on her journey to wellness in 2014. (She’ll tell you WHY all the fad diets DON’T work!) Her health drastically improved and she lost 55 pounds in addition to overcoming chronic health problems just by changing her lifestyle habits! This mom of 2 and grandma of 4 is RADIANT and PASSIONATE about serving people — helping them live in complete wellness and abundance!!!

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Sabrina is the CEO & Executive Pastry Chef of Ambrosia Natural Bakery. She specializes in gluten-free, vegan, paleo & food allergy-friendly baking and teaches specialty baking classes. Sabrina has studied health since 2001 at the young age of 17, when she started pursuing a career in medicine; nursing and nutritional science were her areas of study in college and she continues her education in natural wellness with webinars, classes, and reading every piece of literature on the subject she can get her hands on! Sabrina suffered from debilitating migraines and a plethora of health issues before changing her entire lifestyle; she lost 70 lbs, ditched the drugstore, and has since helped many people in their own journeys to health. Her passion is MIND-BODY-SOUL wellness. She takes a holistic approach in everything, even in her career, offering health-conscious products and services…

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Join this dynamic duo ready to lead YOU to freedom and wellness in an exclusive intensive group starting SOON!!! Daily motivation and tips, detailed menu plans & recipes, and all the tricks, tools, and secrets you will need to get drop some weight, gain more energy, sleep better, feel better about yourself, and make this YOUR year!!!!

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You can PM on facebook — facebook.com/moonchildbeautywellness, or email sabrina.kate629@yahoo.com for more info on this upcoming group, and to answer any questions you may have!!!

 

Journaling Your Journey

Journaling YOUR journey for health and wellness is SO important and gives you encouragement, motivation, and even provides a record for your health care provider if need be. It helps you eat mindfully, track your progress, and gives you the nitty gritty reality of how much you eat and what you eat. You can see what you’re lacking in, and the areas that need improvement the most, and shows you the connection between your emotions and the food you eat.  You will begin to see patterns, habits, and mind/body/soul connection as you progress in your journaling.

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Tips for your journal:

  1. Use a notebook or online myfooddiary.com
  2. Either journal food throughout the day, or in the evening.
  3. Record EVERYTHING you eat & drink
    — types of foods
    — even snacks, beverages, and cheats!! (you are less likely to cheat if you have to write it down)
    — portion sizes (doesn’t have to be exact measurements)
  4. Record your physical & emotional response to what you ate
    — were you satisfied or guilty?
    — were you stressed & in a hurry or calm & enjoyed your meal?
    — were you distracted doing another activity while eating?
  5. Review your journal for clues about your current habits & health situation
    — Are you really hungry when you eat? Or bored? Stressed? Sad?
    — Look at your portions, look for your weak areas
    — Take note of your eating habits, do you eat lightly throughout the day and indulge in the evening? Try for well balanced meals throughout the day.